Men are too busy for their own good! The search for significance, the race to put food on the table, the ingrained belief that we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do – all combine to keep us away from the self-same places we need to be. Which caused one of the speakers to note: ‘Men...rather than attend events like this, they prefer to go out to make money, because they think that’s what the women want. So, they go out and make the money and are surprised that their wives are sleeping with their drivers. And don’t deceive yourself that it only happens outside the church; no, it is happening right amongst us Christians…
For the second time in two months, I had the privilege of anchoring breakfast meetings for men. The first edition in saw a panel of two women and a man lead the search for the Irresistible Husband. It was an exciting three-hour-plus event which the organisers, KINGDOM MEN, an independent men’s ministry brands Men’s Breakfast Roundtable. The second edition themed Manhood 2010: A Comprehensive New Year Agenda for Men held two Saturdays ago.
Both events confirm a number of things that those of us in men’s ministry already know. Men are too busy for their own good! The search for significance, the race to put food on the table, the ingrained belief that we don’t need anyone to tell us what to do – all combine to keep us away from the self-same places we need to be. Which caused one of the speakers to note: “Men...rather than attend events like this, they prefer to go out to make money, because they think that’s what the women want. So, they go out and make the money and are surprised that their wives are sleeping with their drivers. And don’t deceive yourself that it only happens outside the church; no, it is happening right amongst us Christians…”
So, attendance was sparse; though it got better the second time. But as with all things God, the Holy Spirit caused the various speakers to deliver His heart on several issues to those who present.
Leading the search, as it were, was Mrs Agatha Edo (first right in photo), a journalist with several years experience as an “agony aunt” in a number of newspapers, described the irresistible man as that “man who has Christ in him, the husband who knows his onions and knows that his first ministry is his marriage. He is that man who knows that God created his wife as a partner, a rock at home; He is a man who knows that God in creating his wife created for him a friend, a companion, a mother, a sister, an adviser, a counsellor. A man who appreciates the essence of womanhood and is humble enough to know that nobody is perfect, that the only perfect being is Christ.”
Continuing, Edo who is currently with the Independent Newspapers Ltd where as Auntie Agatha, she responds to tonnes of letters from hurting or confused men and women, said the irresistible husband also knows that marriage is a wrapped gift the content of which you don’t get to know until you open and having opened it, is man enough to accept what he has chosen. He must also be man enough to know that when imperfection comes, you go back to Christ and that Christ being the head of the home will always provide a path to eternity.
Addressing the issue of sex, she said the irresistible husband “has the duty of making the perfect sex partner out of his wife”, because as with everything else, he must provide leadership, pointing out that, anointing flows from the head.
In her own contribution, Deaconess Titilayo Shoroye (second left in the photograph), a counsellor and wife of over 25 years who declared that she is enjoying her marriage, said the irresistible man is one “who recognises that he was created after the image and likeness of God and reflects this truth in his behaviour. He respects, loves, communicates with and shares the leadership of the home with her. He is that man who initiates quick resolution of issues in the home even if the wife is the cause. He is a man who says of the wife, despite all your shortcomings, I will love you. He is able to continue to see those things in his wife that he saw when they were courting.”
Shoroye, a grandmother, who partners with the husband in business, said the irresistible man is one who shares his challenges at work with the wife and listens to advice. This, he does because “he realises that if God knew that men could handle things alone, he would not have created women, and that God has endowed his wife with the necessary qualities to complement him.”
The deaconess emphasised that the irresistible man has to be a great communicator who shares his heart with the wife on every issue, holding nothing back.
Pastor, author, speaker and singer, Dr John Akachi Ahamzie, (speaking in picture), who spoke last, chose to begin by showing who the irresistible husband is not. He explained that good looks, charm and wealth which many women find irresistible do not an irresistible husband make. He pointed out that thousands of traumatised and unfulfilled women are married to handsome men or moneybags. The irresistible man is therefore not born, he is formed. His mother doesn’t give birth to him. He may grow up as handsome and charming and talented but he is formed into irresistibility. He has to make up his mind to know what it is to be irresistible and go after it. You don’t put it on him. It’s a decision; it’s a calculation, a determination; it’s a function of wisdom, of discovery, of pursuit. He has to sit down and tell himself, I want to be irresistible and then find out what it takes and begin to pursue it.
Defining the irresistible husband, he said his first qualification is that he is born again, truly born again. He said if all the men were truly born again, programmes like the MBR would be unnecessary. The reason he has to be born again is because he would then be able to keep his focus on Jesus who is the original irresistible man. Irresistibility is first of all inner based, so if he has some outside qualities it’s just a plus. He needs to be spirit-filled and spirit-led so that he can pursue Christ-likeness. He needs to be born again so that he can grow in the fruit of the Spirit.
Continuing, the prolific writer, who pastors Holy Fire Overflow Church in Ogba, said “the irresistible man is a student of the marriage institution…who understands the intricate dynamics between love, romance and sex, which are like the three fold cord that is not easily broken.
The interactive session that followed featured very frank and incisive contributions and questions from the men who found time to attend the event. I’ll tell you a bit about the second edition next week.
No comments:
Post a Comment