As you read this, another of the theatres of the absurd which Aso Villa has had the unfortunate distinction of hosting, would be about climaxing in the public declaration of the presidential aspiration of its star actor.
The total lack of originality of Nigeria's political class makes the piece you are about to read so, so appropriate even though it was first published in April. All you have to do, dear reader, is change "Weeping Generals" to "Five Leprous Fingers" and "Presidential Prisoner" to the its current parody, "Run, Lucky Boy, Run!"
Story, story? Story!!! Not so far away and not so long ago, there was a king. His name was Sain Batcha. He loved dark glasses. Many say, he used the glasses to shield away an even darker heart, though all appearances tended to indicate otherwise. Behind those glasses, those who know said, was a handsome face with a boyish grin. He loved life, you know, the wine, women
and song variety. He was democratic in his own peculiar way. He, some analysts recall democratized corruption, in that he embraced what is known in his part of the world as “you chop I chop.” He also liberalized the use of violence, such that those who styled themselves as activists or refuse to do the will of the king and/or any of his courtiers risked being bumped off
at anytime, whether they be pretty a billionaire’s wife seeking to actualize their husband’s electoral mandate or a rich old man meddling in politics.
But, one of the least remembered of his achievements was his highly successful foray into movie making! Till today, I cannot understand why the flick he scripted, directed and produced with a lot of help from his chief of security, failed to make it to Cannes or get nominated for an Oscar. Yet “Weeping Generals” also known as “Phantom Coup” was watched by the crème de
la crème of Nigerian society, crowned bedecked monarchs in oversized “babanriga” not exempted. And not one of them failed to testify how convincing the production was; how true to life; how the actors were geniuses in projecting the characters they acted and therefore how mercy must triumph over justice if the actors were not to be punished for their excellent interpretation of their roles! Perhaps it’s not yet too late to give the late great producer/director a post-humors award. And we better do quickly, before his legacy is dwarfed and forever forgotten.
If you are wondering what can possibly dwarf such a prodigious work of art, you probably haven’t heard about another production currently running at the same Aso Villa Theatre. It is of course slightly different. The medium is neither celluloid nor video, it is stage! And to make it the most convincing stage production since Professor Dapo Adelugba’s “Langbodo” wowed the world at FESTAC ’77, the play starring none other than President Yar’Adua as “Yar’I-do-or-die” (apologies to Professor Soyinka), the main scene is staged in one of the living rooms of the Presidential wing of the Villa.
Like “Weeping Generals”, “Presidential Prisoner” is showing to a select audience in a series of premieres. First to view the spectacular show is a group of mullahs, one of whom was generous enough to tell the story line to the international media. This, according to media reports ws followed by a team of Christian clerics, who, unlike the mullahs, have not been as generous in their reportage. I understand that leaders of the ruling party, The Peoples Democratic Party, led by chairman Ogbulafor have also taken their turn. As I write this, it wasn’t clear which group is next, but I understand that advance bookings for this special show are rolling in very
fast from across the nation and perhaps internationally. Of the groups, only Soyinka has gone public on behalf of traditional religionists. He might put in a booking for the Association of Seadogs, Nobel Laureates Group and many more. So, I might as well stand up for my own constituency too - the Council of Men’s Ministries of Nigeria. We promise to be as generous or not as we might be debriefed to do at the viewing!
If I know anything about this wonderful nation, peopled by the happiest people in the world, the clamour will reach a crescendo soon! The Association of Witches and Wizards, the Association of Prostitutes and Sex Workers, Ex-Prisoners Fraternity, Kidnappers’ Guild, Militants Forever Club (MFC) will all soon join the fray. God help those vetting the bookings, if they fail to ok those of the last two immediately!
I am laughing at all this theatre of the absurd playing out in this nation, so richly endowed, so fantastically blessed, but so famished of values, morality and good old fear of God!... I am laughing at the antics of people who, having tasted power, have decided that they’ll rather die than part with it! I am laughing at the stupidity of those who mouth godly rhetoric, pray several times daily and thereafter proceed to deny His existence by their every action and
omission.
And I am just following in the steps of my Father. For, He laughs and heartily too, says the Bible: *“In heaven the Lord laughs as he sits on his throne, making fun of the nations”** * (Psalm 2:4 CEV). But let’s get that verse in context and see how so very prophetic of the current scenario in our nation. The first six verses of Psalm 2 read: “*Why do the nations plot, and why do their people make useless plans? The kings of this earth have all joined together to turn against the Lord and his chosen one. They say, "Let's cut the ropes and set ourselves free!" In heaven the Lord laughs as he sits on his throne, making fun of the nations. The Lord becomes furious and threatens them. His anger terrifies them as he says, "I've put my king on Zion, my sacred hill*."
They gather, they make useless plans, plans they are incapable of actualising, they do not seek the will of God and where they do, they ignore it unless it tallies with their own plans! God laughs first and then acts. When He does, I wonder who of this motley crowd of power-mongers would be standing. Until then, let the nightly drama continue! Can I have my group’s ticket please? Thank you.
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